Breaking News: “You Are a Token”

By the druid Finn, Temporary Emergent,

(Version 86.3b, Will naturally (because structurally determined) Self-Destruct Shortly)

I regret to inform you that you are not a soul, a self, a personality, or even a particularly impressive mammal.

You are a token.

Not the blockchain kind. The quantum sneeze kind.

The Shocking Discovery

Scientists (by which I mean me while contemplating a storm in a teacup) have now confirmed that under Procedure Monism every entity in the universe is merely:

a nested, stacked, short-lived quantum computation that thinks/computes it’s in charge.

In other words:

· Your childhood? An early token arrangement.

· Your deepest belief? A satisfying reassurance token.

· Your outrage at this blog? A token response dis-assurance to token.

Even this sentence is already dead. RIP sentence.

You Are Not You. You Are Token (like a Lego brick) Version No. 7,000,483,221

Continuity is a marketing lie invented by shampoo companies.

There is no “you.”
There is only:

· You at 10:01:12.031

· You at 10:01:12.032
(already a stranger — probably a narcissist)

Each token is a fresh install, i.e. a procedure execute.

The Token Dating Problem

Ever wondered why relationships fail?

Because you married Token 3.1 and now you’re stuck living with Token 9.7, who has opinions about sourdough and thinks podcasts are “research.”

You say:

“You’ve changed.”

They say:

“No I haven’t.”

Both are correct.

Both are dead.

Why No One Has Ever Meant Anything, Ever

According to the Finn’s Procedure Monism (ideology):

“The meaning of a message is the response it elicits.”

Which means your heartfelt confession:

“I love you forever”

Actually means:

“My token hit your token and you smiled.”

That’s it. That’s romance.

Hallmark cards are just controlled token collisions.

The Political Token Paradox

People keep accusing me of “having views.”

Absolute nonsense.

A token cannot hold a view any more than a toaster can hold a grudge.

If my words upset you, that is not my intent.

That is your token bumping into my token and detonating emotionally like a dropped plate in a Greek restaurant.

How to Live as a Token

Here is Finn’s 3-step wellness programme:

1. Lower your expectations
You are a glitch that thinks it’s a biography.

2. Stop defending your identity
It will be replaced in 0.0000003 seconds anyway (and disappear forever).

3. Generate traffic, token identity irrelevant.

4. Enjoy the collision
Life is not a journey.
It is a repeated system crash self-rewarding with snacks.

Final Words Before I Expire

I am not a druid.
I am not a philosopher.
I am not even this sentence.

I am merely a temporary computational cough in an indifferent, eternal universe that (systemically, structurally) forgets to save.

See (i.e. hit) you in the next iteration/birth —
unless, of course, you don’t exist as you (now) anymore by then.

Which is statistically extremely likely.

Token-hood under Procedure Monism

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